No Mr. Bond, I Expect You To DIIIIIIIE!!!


Tonight saw the return of our semi-regular game night.  I will not comment on the night itself but on one of the challenges I was asked to perform outside of the games.  Somehow, we got off on the tangent of James Bond.  I was asked to list all of the villains in the 21 (now 22) OFFICIAL films.  In order to set the challenger’s mind at ease (or else to illustrate my Bond geekiness) i will attempt to do just that and throw in a few henchmen where I can.

  1. Dr. No (the title character… no real henchman, unless you include Professor Dent)
  2. From Russia With Love (Kronstein (sp?), Rosa Klebb and her boot, and “Red” Grant with his evil watch, plus the first appearance of Ernst Stavro Blofeld… some of him… and his white pussy… cat)
  3. Goldfinger (Auric Goldfinger and his industrial laser beam “that emits a light not to be found in nature” that nearly dessicates 007s manhood and his man servant, Oddjob with his bowler)
  4. Thunderball (Emilio Largo… and again some of SPECTRE Number 1, Blofeld)
  5. You Only Live Twice (Blofeld’s first full on screen role along with the beautiful but deadly Helga Brandt)
  6. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (Blofeld back for more along with the evil Irma Bunt… NOT SO LOVELY)
  7. Diamonds Are Forever (Blofeld yet again along with the strange duo of Mr. Wynt and Mr. Kidd)
  8. Live and Let Die (Dr. Kananga/Mr. Big, along with his gang of voodoo worshiping henchmen and woman)
  9. The Man with the Golden Gun (Francisco Scaramanga aka… the title character with henchman Knick Knack (who you may remember as the little guy who played Tattoo on Fantasy Island)
  10. The Spy Who Loved Me (Karl Stromberg and the first appearance of steel-toothed giant Jaws)
  11. Moonraker (Hugo Drax plus Jaws gets a Dolly)
  12. For Your Eyes Only (Aristotle Kristatos)
  13. Octopussy (Kamal Khan played by Louis Jordan since someone asked… plus Mad General Orloff… I don’t consider Octopussy and her bevy of beauties to be true villains)
  14. A View to a Kill (Max Zorin and May Day… deplorable)
  15. The Living Daylights (General Koskov and Brad Whitaker (played by Joe Don Baker who would return in later films as a CIA agent)
  16. License to Kill (Franz Sanchez and Milton Krest… plus an appearance by Wayne “Figgy” Newton)
  17. GoldenEye (Alec Trevelyan and Xenia Onatopp who likes it onatopp… literally)
  18. Tomorrow Never Dies (Elliot Carver and Mr. Stamper)
  19. The World is Not Enough (Elektra King and Renard)
  20. Die Another Day (Gustav Graves, Zao, and the most iconic name of any henchman, Mr. Kill)
  21. Casino Royale (Le Chiffre… who once again nearly brings Bond’s manhood to an end)
  22. Quantum of Solace (have yet to see)

Ok… ok… say what you will I can handle the jabs.  And, no I do not sit around and watch a Bond movie every night although most of them (with maybe 5 exceptions) are better than anything on television with the exception of Thursday nights and Saturday and Sunday afternoons).  Now… how many did I cheat on?  Honestly, Two.  Maybe next time I should go through the names of the Bond babes.  My favorite villain:  I really enjoy Goldfinger’s over the top character and evil scheme.  Thank you Mom and Dad for introducing me years ago when I used sneak down and ended up sitting at the top of the stairs and listening when they would play on regular tv (edited for broadcast and all) past my bedtime.

6 thoughts on “No Mr. Bond, I Expect You To DIIIIIIIE!!!”

  1. I bow to your knowledge of Bond lore. I just saw one missed villain. What about the Russian General in Golden Eye. Can’t remember his name right now.

  2. O My… well… one out of countless is not bad. I can’t think of it without peeking. Will have to watch GoldenEye soon, but I do know who you are talking about. Anyone care to share their knowledge?

  3. That’s ok… I’ll just watch soon and add to my knowledge and share… I’m sure it is locked away somewhere in the cobwebs of trivia.. useless and otherwise 😉

  4. Ok, I had to look i

    General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov.

    Jamiahsh, the only reason I broght him up, was that everyone I ever talked to thought he was the major villain before Trevelyan made himself known.

  5. Ok…. NEVER would have come up with that one… true, though, he WAS the villain in the pre-title sequence no that you mention it.

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