What next?


This may be a difficult post to read. It was certainly hard to write.

No happy or witty sayings in this post. This is a story of life, death, mourning and maybe life again.

At the beginning of this year many wonderful things were in the making. My 3rd daughter had her wedding scheduled for June. My fourth daughter was to graduate High School. Those two events happened as planned.

Also occurring early in the year, my two oldest daughters told me they were expecting new arrivals. The oldest was due in September, my second daughter due in November. Expanding of family going full force this year. I was really looking forward to visiting my new grandchildren.

The first bad news came when my 2nd daughter had a miscarriage. I was unable to fly down to Florida and be with her. I am very glad she has a wonderful network of support with her. At that time, I had a countdown to the impending birth on my blog. I quietly removed that and all other mention of that news from my blog. This was news I didn’t feel like sharing with the rest of the world. Stick with the good news. Too much bad news news in the world.

Last Thursday brought news that my oldest daughter lost her baby too. Much farther along, she had only a month before the due date. I quietly removed the countdown that that impending birth, and wrote a quick cryptic post. The mind was not working well enough to post anything else. I could write about the cause, but I will let this site handle that. I just needed to get these words out.

I spent the past few days with my oldest, at the hospital and her house. There were many tears flowing. Hugs given and received. While the words were not initially spoken, we were worried about my oldest daughter’s life too. She had a serious medical condition that could have take her as well. In this we were fortunate. Physically she is recovering well. The emotional and spiritual recovery will take more time for all of us.

I did say something about life again didn’t I. There is a little bright spot in all of this. I’ve written a few posts about my daughter’s friends. These are people I consider to be my friends also. Our ages and backgrounds vary widely, but they are true friends. People who will be there for my daughter and son-in-law. My children came home to a clean house, because someone thought this would be a good thing to do. They didn’t ask, they acted. The bedroom for the newborn was in the final stages of finishing, but the door was off the hinges. It was put back in place and closed. Friends and family will supply food, companionship, or solitude when needed or wanted. Can we ever ask for more?

Through all of this, I’ve had many old wounds opened again. I keep wondering if each new death will bring back the memories of others. Faces I’ve not seen in years, faces I never saw, came into my thoughts and dreams. The past and future molds into one. The laugh of a child not heard may be one of the saddest moments in life.

6 thoughts on “What next?”

  1. relatively speaking

    Wishful thinking or not, I’d like to believe that of our deceased loved ones are watching over all our families lost babies.

    Good to know my niece has some wonderful friends. I know she has a pretty special Dad!

  2. I am sure that those loved ones are in the great beyond watching over you all. Although you cannot physically be near your second daughter, I am sure she gains strength in the knowledge that you are still only a phone call away. It must be really hard for your family right now. I have a brother and sister-in-law who went through the ordeal of ONE such tragedy some time ago. However, prayers, good wishes, and the strength and support of family and friends will help a lot in the days & weeks ahead. My ever continuous thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  3. Beautiful post… So glad to see you posting even if you warned it would be awhile. Thank God that E is physically alright. I cannot imagine her pain, and don’t think I would be strong enough to endure it – I admire anyone who does. Many thoughts and prayers, much love and admiration for your family and your daughter’s wonderful friends. It’s inspiring to know that there are still many wonderful people in the world. Take care…

  4. We have been thinking of all of you during this time. I am glad you were able to share your feeling – I believe it does help .

    It sounds like you have some great friends there and we know you have great friends here.

    Take care of yourselves – we are all here for anything we can do.

  5. Thanks for sharing. I haven’t been around long enough to know your family, but I do know that you have a whole community of friends surrounding you and your family to carry you through this. All of my prayers….

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