Expanding on a theme

There are times we recall those we have lost. These times can cause tears or laughter. Don’t fight the tears, don’t live in the laughter. Doing either will cause us to forget the past and ignore the present and then we will miss the future.

A facebook post for today. These thoughts and the thoughts of my children this weekend push me to expand on the above. (Somebody push Froggy to read this!!) 😉

I’m almost certain it was a tough weekend for all of my daughters. I was with the youngest all day yesterday, so she did have a bit of comfort on mothers’ day itself. The other 3, well I still have a hard time being in multiple places at once. I did make the effort to see the 3 I could, but not enough effort to talk to number 4. Sorry K.

With all of the heartache from the past year. All of the Joy felt. And the new situations we found ourselves in, I am offering some of my thoughts and words.

On mother’s day, my daughters found themselves 6 years without their mother. They were all too young to lose someone so important in their lives. I am not, and will never be a suitable replacement. I just try, with all my human failings, to be the best Dad I can be. Remember her in your hearts. Share your stories with each other. You share that common loss. If there is anyone that you should talk to, it should be your sisters. You know each other, and could comfort each other if you wish.

Don’t fight the tears, the anger, or even the joy you feel when thinking of those you lost. Yes, you should curb your responses to some feelings. Good social contact almost demands it. But try to recognize those feelings. If you need to yell and scream, be open about it. Tell people why you are mad. Try not to take these feelings out on others, but share them. Let the tears fall, if someone asks why, share the reason. It is much easier for us as people to share the good times. WE MUST make the effort to share the hard times with people. Good friends will support us in that. Of course you may not want to share those hard times with the wrong people (social graces, covering your back, ect.).

Don’t be totally consumed by the past. This is a very hard one (I know from experience). At some point the past has to become the past. For each of us that is a different time. In fact, from day to day it may be different. Let it go when you are able. Again, look for help.

I don’t pretend to know all you are going through. You are all different. You are all in different situations. I know what it is like to lose my parents, but that came after I had many years to share with them, and I was on my own. I don’t know what it was like to have a depressed widowed father responsible for me. I don’t know what it was like for you not to have your mother there for you on the important days of your life. I only know what it was like not to have 1/2 of me available at those same times.

Know that I will listen and offer advice (unless you tell me to just listen) and I love you all. I’m only a phone call or two away. And one more thing, ask your sisters if they have read this.

10 thoughts on “Expanding on a theme”

  1. And to the third power – very well said, justj. You know, I hesitated to comment here because this seemed more like an intimate letter to your daughters than an open forum blog post for others to comment upon. But I enjoy showing my support through my comments, and this is a very well-written post, so I thought I would express as much. And I hope it would never hurt to hear that I think you’ve done an excellent job in being the best Dad you can be. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Well, I was going to send this as an email to my daughters, but I thought that the words could be used by others. I do have a lurker or two.

  3. Ok, this comment is for the next post, but it says that comments are closed. Thought you’d keep me out, did ya? 🙂
    WHAT?!?! The dinner theater is sold out?!? But I have a babysitter and everything!!! I am so disappointed! We haven’t made reservations because a. I just found out about the babysitter and b. I don’t even know how to make reservations!
    Well, good luck in your show that I won’t see. I am sad. 🙁

    Leaving here and copying (I like confusing people…)

  4. I’m sort of a lurker at times. Less here than other places though, where I might have 50 or so comments over the last 5 years!

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