1 a lonely number?

I am a widower. My wife died, from cancer, a little over four years ago. Since that time I’ve been 1 where I used to be part of 2. Yes, I still have my daughters in my life. 2 of the 4 are still living at home (well at least part of the time — teenager and young adult). For the most part, I really can’t say I’m lonely. I do like to spend some of my time alone.

My hobbies tend to be solitary in nature. I am in a local theater group, and that is the one hobby I really can’t do on my own. All the rest, you guessed it, can be done alone. Even blogging is a solitary activity.

Tonight I feel very much alone. My daughters are off to various locations, the dog is fed and relaxing behind the couch. I’m here typing thoughts popping up in my head. Not where I thought I’d be 5 years ago.

We’ve all been told to make a 5 year plan. I’ve never done that. My lovely wife did. Back in the spring of 2003, she started saving money for our 25th anniversary. When she died, I found an envelope with money in it. Not a lot, but by Jan 2009, it could have made a bit of an impact on our anniversary plans. I didn’t even know it existed. There was just an envelope marked 25th. We just missed our 20th anniversary. 21 days shy.

Most of that money is gone now. Most, but not all. I held some back. $25 dollars to be exact. One dollar for each of the years we would have had. That envelope was in a box on my dresser. I hadn’t opened it until today. I knew I had money left over, but I didn’t know how much. Odd that there would be exactly $25 dollars in and envelope marked 25th. I’m going to start putting money back in that envelope. I’m not sure how much I can save by January, but I’ll save something. I need to celebrate that special day in January. I’ve spent that day alone since 2004, in 2009 I plan to do something a bit different. Maybe I’ll figure it out by then…

Well, this has been a somber post, maybe lighter the next time… Maybe not. Just missing S.

justj