Grief, a state of mind


In early March of 2004, I was introduced to the terminology ‘grief monster’. This was a term used by other widows and widowers to indicate their feelings after loss. Using the words grief monster seemed to indicate a battle needed to be fought with grief. I didn’t think that was the case then and I don’t think it is the case now.

With a new loss, feelings of grief are again merging with my life. I think that the feelings of grief are there for a reason. Grief is a coping mechanism. While grief isn’t a comfortable feeling, it should be welcomed. We need time to deal with sadness and loss.

The intensity and duration of our feelings of grief indicate where we are in our grief journey. Since people are different, the length and duration of our journeys are also different. The only way we know how far we’ve come is to look at how we feel grief.

In these difficult times of loss, I’ve seen grief as a friend. Not always a friend I want around, but as a needed friend. Tears, anger, frustration are all tools to handle our loss. To fight these feelings, as if fighting a monster, would be counterproductive to help they can bring.

Grief can and will come at unexpected times. These times may be inconvenient or embarrassing, but they need to be accepted. As an adult male, I have been taught to harness my feelings. I found that after my wife’s death, I no longer do this. If tears are needed, tears will be shed. I no longer shy away from my emotions. It has helped with my healing.

There has been new loss in my life. Another grief journey has begun. The road is the same, but different. It is a journey not taken alone, but with the help of others.


A journey begins with one step; a good journey begins with one step reaching for another’s hand.

4 thoughts on “Grief, a state of mind”

  1. You come up with some of the most thoughtful posts. I could not agree more. Grief is indeed a necessary emotion and yes I believe that it is expressed in different ways by everyone: no two experience it in the same way. Hope you find comfort and peace in the journey.

  2. As in all journeys with grief, I look for peace and hope. Grief a side effect of caring. When you care you get hurt, but the upside is worth it.

  3. Does the number of hands reached out indicate the quality of the journey? If so, we are in for a great ride. Thank you for being one of those hands.

  4. Unfortunately, the number of hands has very little to do with the quality of the journey. It is the quality in those hands that help. You seem to have a bunch of quality hands too.

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