Just a few weeks ago, I wrote about knowing if it is love. One response, and further conversation pushed me to write more on the subject.
I’m really only going to expand on the romantic love. Love of friends, parents, children seems to be easier to define and feel. I will also leave off the agape or spiritual love off this expansion. While that is an interesting subject, it is beyond the scope of my interest at present.
What I was curious about was a very simple statement that you “just knew” you had a true love. While I have most certainly felt that way in the past, I was surprised when what I thought was true love just sort of ended. In my “old” age, I’m a bit more pragmatic. It is love, true love, as long as the people involved keep working at it.
Yes, I did just say work at it. A little bit of work on a relationship goes a very long way. What kind of work? Normally just little things that you would do for someone you care about. Sharing chore duties, without being asked. A neck massage after someone has a hard day. An offer of a cold drink on a hot day. Little things to reaffirm the feelings that you share.
Do you think of your partner first? Does doing something just for them make you feel good? Does your partner consider themselves spoiled, or one of the luckiest people alive? If so, you are well on your way to doing the work needed.
The feelings involved will be many and complex. When two people get together in a romantic love, there should be some physical chemistry. This chemestry can and often does lead to intimate expressions of love. Where this goes beyond lust and falls into love is up for debate, but it does happen. It may be something you “just know”, or you may make a more deliberate decision. I don’t know if I have enough knowledge to speak on that subject as much as it really deserves.
Then there are the feelings of caring. You feel a need or desire for the well being of another. Their health is important to you. When does this occur? Who knows.
One more thing that I think is very important, is a feeling of connection. You feel better with a person. You feel better if you know you will see them in a short time. Knowing that you are being thought of can also raise your spirits. I won’t say it is a completion, I feel that was an overworked phrase from a common place movie, but more like an extension or addition. You become more, because you work together.
So, I’ve rambled on a bit. Rehashing thoughts I’ve written before. More for my benefit than anything else. But I will leave you with another thought. How can you know you are in love, if the feelings and emotions involved are something you’ve never experienced. I’ve been there, I know (as far as a person can) what love should and can be. But over the years I’ve forgotten what is was like not to “know”. I based my feelings on my limited experience and what I observed in others. If I had no good examples, if my experience was less than what it was, how could I ever “know”. I never really thought about it in that way before. But I guess I’m thinking of it now…