CMA Awards – LIVE Blogging!

Many of you have read a live blog before; ie people posting comments while an awards show is airing on tv.  But have you ever read a live blog that is being composed within the vicinity of 4 crazy kids?  The following represents my best shot at attempting the previous description:

7:30 pm – It’s Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban on the red carpet.  They’re a cute coupl…  wait a minute, they look weird together.  Well, actually, just Nicole Kidman looks strange.  Kinda like Janice from the Muppets meets the thin spaced-out version of Anna Nicole Smith.  It’s mean to be critical of people based on their appearances, but in this case, I suspect a nasty mistake in the plastic surgeon’s office.  Since she did it to herself (and spent thousand$ to do so), no holds barred – I can joke all I want!  And Nicole doesn’t seem very comfortable with playing second fiddle (it’s a country music awards show – appreciate the fiddle joke!) on the red carpet.  I give this marriage 3 years, 4 tops.

7:35pm – Jack Ingram?  Who IS that?  If you read my previous blog post about the awards, then you know that I don’t get to listen to that much radio lately, and I don’t have the slightest idea who this is!

7:37 – Fans overwhelmingly choose Carrie Underwood to take Female Vocalist – both hubby and I agree.  That reminds me, it will be a tight race in our household tonight – my husband and I only have 3 votes different from each other!  And a reader / fellow blogger asked in a comment what the winner gets…  we will have to choose our stakes before show time…

7:38 – So THAT’S the other half of Sugarland

7:38 – Julianne Hough from Dancing With The Stars?  Didn’t she just have her appendix out?  She’s hosting the pre-show with Craig Morgan?  Isn’t THIS the pre-show?

7:45 – Awww – Alan Jackson has a cute family.  One of his 3 girls is off at college this year though.  What is with male country superstars having 3 girls?  Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw all have 3 daughters each, to name a few…

7:46 – Every time I see her, Reba looks younger.  Glad to see she can afford a better plastic surgeon than Nicole Kidman.  Reba better watch out though – any more nose jobs and she’ll end up with a nose (or lack thereof) like Michael Jackson’s.

7:53 – Charlie Daniels – that’s my guess when Kid Rock (my new favorite artist – kidding) says he’s going to have a very special guest guitarist.

 7:56 – Taylor Swift is growing up…  after the things I’ve read about her since her breakup with the Jonas Brother, she might make a creepy adult.

 7:58 – Ew, I can’t stand Reese Witherspoon.  What’s she doing here?  Oh, she grew up in NAshville and is promoting a movie.

7:59 – My husband leans over and says, “Reese Witherspoon?  I can’t stand her.”

7:59 – Time to switch to the network for the real show!

8:00 – We are off!  Brad Paisley and Keith open the show with their much hyped collaboration.  I like the blue glitter guitar.  The song is nothing special.  I dig the duel guitar solo at the end.

 8:06 – Our hosts for the night – Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood (from American Idol to HOSTING the CMAS?  Whatever…)  She looks like a Barbie.
8:07 – Brad makes a “boots to fill” joke involving Dolly Parton – he did say boots.  Hahaha – that’s the joke.  Country music stars are creative song-writers…  we never promised anything about their comedy skills.  But I liked the joke, because the country music awards show I saw live (it was an ACM awards show though) was hosted by Dolly Parton.

8:10 – What are Hollywood A-listers doing here to present the first award?  Oh wait, Nicole Kidman is married to a country music superstar.  So what is with the random Hugh Jackman appearance though?

 8:11 – Strait wins the first award of the evening for Single of the Year.  0/1 are we since we both guessed Sugarland.  But who was that man George Strait kissed before his acceptance speech?

 8:17 – Is it Kellie Pickler or a bad Madonna impersonator who sound like Belinda Carlisle?  I don’t like it.

8:18 – My husband leans over and says, ” This is like an American Idol performance.”  Ironic, because he relies on me for pop culture info and therefore did not know that this is Kellie Pickler who IS from American Idol!  Glad to see she got herself out of the dress she said it took her hours to get into before she had a bathroom emergency.

8:20 – Alan Jackson – probably my favorite country artist of all time, ever since Garth Brooks sold out.  Not sure what I think of his new song Good Time, though…  It seems like a run-of-the-mill Alan Jackson song, which isn’t a bad thing, just heard before.  My husband feels badly for Kellie Pickler whose awfulness had to be followed by Alan Jackson’s legendary stage presence.

8:23 – What the heck is with the college-age line dancers lining the aisles – that’s stupid.  Are they trying to make a new linedance?  This one looks just like the electric slide with a little wiggle thrown in…  dumb.  Alan Jackson squints into the camera – he’s getting old.

8:25 – the Cyruses, yuck.  Saw Billy Ray live in 2002 when he was still a has-been playing town festivals.  He ignored the legions  dozens of fans trying to slap him five on his way to the stage.  At least my daughter is a big fan of Miley’s – that makes this tolerable.

8:26 – Stay wins Song of the Year, and I’m 0/2, possibly my worst ever.  Husband is up and I have only 2 more chances to catch up…  mood turning sour…  at least it’s a good song.

 8:32 – Miranda Lambert performs.  I like her.  And I like these simple performances of songwriter sings simple song with guitar – songs like these are building blocks of country music.

 8:35 – Reese Witherspoon is crying about Miranda Lambert’s performance?  Really?  Or is she acting?  What is she doing here again?

8:36 – Oh good, Lady Antebellum.  I was wondering who they are and what they sing.  They sound just like a ’90’s band – I can’t think of who right now!  Any ideas, please comment – it’ll come to me!  Hubby says the lead singer looks like Lance Bass.  At any rate, they’re nothing to write home about.  Can’t see them having staying power – not country enough.  2/3 of the group too replaceable, remaining 1/3 not that noteworthy.

8:40 – getting a little greedy with the commercials – here’s yet another.

 8:43 – Martina McBride is introduced by Brad Paisley, who could use some acting lessons from his actress wife; his script-reading is terrible.  Martina is one of my favorite singers

8:44 – and she’s singing a VERY ordinary song.  See my plea in a previous post – Martina and Alan Jackson NEED to seriously come out with some good stuff and soon!

8:48 – Rodney Atkins – HELP!  This is the guy who sings about kids eating nuggets in the car and other mundane every day tasks…  He is the kind of singer country music bashers use to make fun of the genre!  AND HE:S OFF-KEY!

8:51 – Heidi who?  Someone should pass her a cover-up in case her dress finishes falling down.

8:53 – PUT ME ON THE BOARD WITH MY FIRST CORRECT PICK FOR RASCAL FLATTS – VOCAL DUO!   I really enjoy their music…  please tell me they’re performing later!  I hear that Kid Rock will be performing “the song we’ve been singing ‘All Summer Long'”.  I love that song, however upset I was to learn it was Kid Rock’s music I was enjoying…  Opening another window to download a sample of ‘Werewolves in London’.

8:59 – Taylor Swift performs.  I love the stage, the costumed dancers, the dancing…  the song sucks though.

903 – Is Taylor Swift lip-syncing?  Why are the dancers suddenly surrounding her, do they know she gets off sync in that part of the song?  Unless…  COSTUME CHANGE!  I was SO right!  Called it seconds before it happened!  Bool-yah!

9:04 – My new favorite song – All Summer Long – is cool as a live performance.  But where is the guest guitarist we were promised?  Was it someone I didn’t recognize?  And Kid Rock probably smokes too many cigarettes, judging by his singing voice.

9:13 – Carrie Underwood has found herself a sarapi.  Isn’t that what that type of dress is called?  I don’t know how to spell it, can’t find it on a search…

9:14 – I like George Strait’s new song more than I’ve liked most of the other live performances.  But why do country stars keep attempting to emulate Jimmy Buffett’s laid back beach style?  It’s been done, and done very well, I might add!  Let’s stick to country – especially you George Strait!

 9:17 – Jason Aldean – one of those newcomers I’m not quite familiar with.  Ah, I see he’s of the bad-a** variety style of country…  I’m familiar with it.  As a person who vents anger by performing 80’s and 90’s raps in the solitary confinement of my car, I appreciate the wailing guitars and the bad-a** attitudes that are breaking onto today’s country music scene.

9:21 – Best New Artist – goes to Lady Antebellum.  Darnit, I really thought we had a shot for this one.  We picked Kellie Pickler, and she is a good friend of presenter Taylor Swift and everything!  Dang nabbit – I didn’t even like the sound of Lady Antebellum.  Well, eat it up kids – you won’t last in Nashville.

9:28 – God bless the late great Jerry Reid – I’m sorry and ashamed to say that I’ve never heard of him.

9:30 – an enjoyable performance of “Cowgirls Don’t Cry” by Brooks and Dunn and Reba.  And I like what these entities do together.  We saw them perform in concert together twice – awesome both times.  Too bad Reba’s plastic surgery doesn’t look as good as Nicole Kidman’s under the stage lights.  They seem to have opposite effects – Reba’s new face looked great on the red carpet, Nicole’s was horrifying.  Reba’s was nothing short of freaky on stage, whereas Nicole’s looked almost humanesque.  You could have convinced me that Brooks and Dunn had a Reba animontronic made for this performance.  Anyway, enough about the obvious plastic surgery plaguing us tonight…  I should save that sort of commentary for the Oscars since there’s always plenty of fodder there…

9:35 – We both get another point since Sugarland wins Vocal Duo – BOOLYAH

9:40 – Darius Rucker – yes, he was in Hootie and the Blowfish and they were good.  So what brings him to country music?  I like him better as a blowfish.  Wait a minute… when I heard this song he’s performing on the radio, I always thought it was Daryl Worley, who sings these types of songs.  You mean to tell me the whole time that it was the work of a blowfish?  A fish out of water, I would say – HA.  He looks as out of place as he feels, and Alan Jackson squints up at the stage again – this time because he can’t believe there was actually an African-American on stage at the Country Music Association’s awards.

9:45 – Brad Paisley performs a mediocre tune

9:48 – LeeAnn Womack and Josh Turner show up to present the award for Album of the Year – one of the few categories where hubby and I differ.  Good to see that Ms. Womack has tamed her bee-hive hairdo.  YEE HAW!!!!  I am back in the saddle with my George Strait pick; we are tied!  Although it was announced that we both lost out on Video of the Year…  shucks.  I am not doing so well but still tied with hubby.

9:56 – A thought that crossed my mind as Brad Paisley introduced Keith Urban’s live performance – is it just me, or is Brad Paisley doing a lot more hosting than Barbie Carrie Underwood?  I wonder about the politics involved in the decision to let those two be the hosts…

9:58 – Keith Urban’s performance, like so many before him, is mediocre at best.  Thank goodness he’s an awesome guitarist.  And they still use his song, “Somebody Like You” in my favorite dinner show at Arabian Nights in Orlando Florida – that’s what sold me on the show in the first place!

10:00 – Is it just me or are they giving everyone a standing ovation, as seen after Keith Urban’s performance?

10:01 – A woman talks about her husband who was killed in battle.  She gets a standing ovation.  Sadly though, at the beginning of her speech, people didn’t know who she was or what she was doing, so they kind of chuckled, thinking she was joking because they didn’t know who she was.  A silent moment to reflect upon loved one’s lives lost and those who fight and fought for our country…

10:08 – I missed the second half of Carrie Underwood’s performance and whatever followed that because of a kid “emergency”.  But now I see Vince Gill hands an award to…

10:09 – Carrie Underwood.  As predicted by both of us in this house.  And conveniently, she was waiting in the stage wings after performing, seemingly in position to rush on stage to accept her award.  Curious… 
So far, my husband and I are tied at 5/8 – not bad.  Our personal tie-breaker will come down to Musical Event of the Year – a category that I joked existed only to flaunt the compromising of the big-name record labels.  We both guess Kenny Chesney.  But my guess is his collaboration with George Strait, and hubby’s guess is his Reba duet – Stay tuned to see the winner!

10:18 – Sugarland’s performance has been wailing on my tv in the backround while I typed some other stuff.  Not very impressive.  I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me or if all the performances tonight have been somewhat lackluster.  Not only that, but the songs being performed aren’t that great to begin with.

10:20 – Just Got Started Lovin You is one of my favorite new songs!  And James Otto is milking his big performance.  Otto’s range in the song reminds me of Josh Turner, but I don’t give him credit for staying power.  It’s a good song, but he doesn’t have the best stage presence.

10:29 – Whoa, my channel cut off Carrie Underwood.  Anyone else’s?  Kenny Chesney is performing his Jimmy Buffett knock-off routine with the beach combing sh*t.  Sorry for the language.  I need to see a really GOOD musical performance.  This sounds like a callypso version of an elementary school chorus concert.

10:32 – My husband leans over and says, “Does this guy have eyes?” – referring to Kenny’s accomplice.  I don’t think he likes the beachcomber crap any more than I do.

10:33 – Strangely, the intro to Trace Adkin’s performance sounds like a Carrie Underwood single, “Jesus Take the Wheel”.  Subliminal marketing maybe.  Conspiracy theories abound, the more tired I get…

10:37 – Another standing ovation?  This time for Trace Atkins…  ok, whatever.

10:37 – Reese Witherspoon – I can’t stand her.

10:38 – Reese Witherspoon gushes, “I am SOOOO glad to be here!”  My husband leans over and says, “I can’t stand her.”

10:39 – Brad Paisley wins Male Vocalist of the Year.  We are now tied at 5/9 since we had Keith Urban.

10:41 – Ooh – more hints about the surprise person.  Evidently, they are going to present the Entertainer of the Year award.  This marketing ploy has intrigued me, although you know that the astonished faces reacting to the surprise guest they show in the commercials have nothing to do with who it is – this is a live show!

10:44 – Ooh – Lost premiere January 21.  Wait, do I still watch that show?  It’s been so long, I forget.

 10:48 – mediocre Eagles performance.  What is with their new tidy look?  What is with me and thinking all the performances are mediocre?  Is it just me?  Not in this instance – the Eagles in their suts suck – they look old and tired.  Good music from a great group, they just need a smart manager – oh, big surprise, ANOTHER standing ovation.  Is that just what you do nowadays, the stand’n’clap?

10:54 – The best selling female country recording artist of all time is Shania Twain?  YUCK!  Another standing ovation!  And they haven’t even given out the award yet!

10:56 – And now they have…  Entertainer of the Year goes to Kenny Chesney, yuck!  But at least we both got it right!

10:59 – “The votes in tonight’s award show were cast by the six thousand members of the Country Music Association”…  kinda like our local theater group, the WCCT.

But what the heck?  Seems we are missing a category detrimental to our outcome?  Does anyone have the results for Musical Event of the Year?!?  That was our tie-breaker, and evidently we missed it, so break the tie for us!

Ok – Krauss and Plant won for Vocal Event – neither of us had them chosen.  So, it ended in a tie.  Overall, an entertaining show, as always.  I really could have used some more good musical performances, however…  Good night!

And as a final footnote – I got my sample of ‘Werewolves in London’.  The melody is obviously borrowed for ‘All Summer Long’, but I do like the new Kid Rock song much better.  Who knew that plagarizing two popular songs and then splicing them together would earn critical acclaim instead of a lawsuit?