So Tired of Being So Tired.

It’s near 4AM and I sit on my computer not so much by choice but as an effect of the trend that has been occurring in our house for what feels like the past 4 years… Kids waking me up all night.

Tonight we got home from a (amazing) production of The Lion in Winter and put ourselves to bed at around 1AM. Here is a time line since that point…

1AM – move Disney off the bed and onto the floor in our room, which used to be the only place (at home) she would sleep.

1:10AM – Disney wakes up and wants a special blankie, so I run downstairs and get it for her.

1:27 AM – Disney wants to sleep in her room (WOW!) so I carry her there and put her to bed.

1:49 AM – Disney wants milk so I run downstairs and get her some.

2AM – Disney wants to sleep in our room, so back on the floor she goes.

2:29 AM – Disney wants to sleep downstairs on the couch, so I carry her down.

2:42 AM – Disney wants a light on… I try to wait it out… She persists… Light on.

3:04 AM – Disney wants back upstairs. I get her and bring her back to our floor.

3:31 AM – Disney wants in our bed. I cannot sleep when she is there so I tell her no. She cries until 3:40 and wakes Christopher. I put her in our bed.

3:49 AM – Christopher is back to bed after being awaken by Disney. Disney is now in our bed along with Lisa and Charity. No room for me to sleep.

3:55 AM – Unable to sleep from stress and kids in bed, I start this blog and think about the big day we have tomorrow…

I love the kids and I love everything about my life, but I realized today that I probably have not had a good night’s sleep in 4+ years. Even on the rare occasion when a child is not waking me up, my body has been programmed not to sleep through the night — waking up at the sound of a feather hitting the ground. I really don’t believe I have had more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep since 2004 and no more than 5 hours sleep total for a night since that time as well.

I have always prided myself on not needing much sleep – seeming to be able to function at a somewhat normal level with an amount of sleep that would leave others dragging… But I am starting to realize some negative health effects from my major sleep deprivation.

I have gained over 50lbs in the PAST 2 YEARS, yet I eat no more than I have and exercise no less. In fact, I would guess I get more exercise as I run up-and-down stairs dozens of times per day.
I have become clumsy at times – falling down the stairs, stubbing toes, etc… Which I never used to do.
I have trouble concentrating at times. Where in the past I have been able to count on a laser focus — especially when there was an important task to be completed.
I have lost some zest for my hobbies starting to see them more as chores that interfere with a possible chance for rest.

Now, I want to keep this all in perspective. I am far from a zombie, and I am not dragging through the days. On a daily basis my life is still the most wonderful and blessed of lives. My family is simply the best, my friends second to none, and I simply love the gifts I have been given. Each day I still feel is the best one yet in my life.

Yes, I still live with the knowledge that I am the luckiest person on earth!

I guess this is just a life lesson to me — I have been wrong all my life. Sleep is not an awful consumer of time that deprives you of the joys and the accomplishments that can only be achieved and realized by being awake. (You cannot 2x the quality/quantity of your life by eliminating [waste-of-time] sleep as I once thought in my younger years)

I am just so tired of being so tired. It’s 4:18AM now, time to find some place to lay down and see if I can’t get at least 1 hour of decent sleep tonight. SUPER FUN DAY TOMORROW — CHURCH, FAMILY BREAKFAST, BIRTHDAY PARTY, GIRL SCOUT EVENT 🙂 !! Wahooo!

UPDATE:
4:30 AM – Return to bed, Disney awakes cries to be covered with her blankie. Wakes Christopher. Fill Christopher’s bottle, change his diaper, back to bet at 4:44.

5:09 AM – Disney cries as she does not have enough room on bed. I move to sliver on my side and have trouble sleeping. My last check of the clock and it is 6:18 AM.

7:23 AM – Christopher wakes up and wants bottle. Charity barks to go outside. I ignore her, she continues. Back to bed at 8:30 or so.

9:08 AM – Disney and Sammie wake up. It is time to get up for the day. Me and kids get up, I try and let Lisa sleep a bit since she no-doubt is disturbed by all the over-night action. She probably doesn’t get much more as the chaos of the day has begun.

9:27 AM – I am finishing this blog. Time to get ready for our big fun day! 🙂

I am so tired…