Maybe I’m becoming more simple-minded as I get older, or perhaps it’s the fact that I spend my days with children.  For whichever reason, I’ve found myself more amused by simple things lately, most notably email forwards.  Here is another one that made me laugh out loud.  I don’t know; I found it funny, but I did read it at the end of a very long day…

My husband informed me it was fake, but it’s more fun of course if you believe that some version of this actually happened.  Either way, the author gets points for creativity in my book – and maybe my husband was just upset that he didn’t get what the drawing was supposed to be in the first place 😉

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment:

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a snow shovel.
Mrs. Harrington

Ok, I know it might seem weird, especially to those of you who aren’t parents.  But in my family, we are celebrating a major milestone – 3-year-old Disney is officially potty-trained!!!  In lieu of this triumphant moment (congrats to Disney but let’s face it, one of the best parts about this is that we only have to buy and change diapers now for ONE instead of TWO!), I thought I’d share a cute potty-training-themed email forward, here goes, and again, forgive me if you are not on the same page with me – potty-training kids is a big deal, and this is our THIRD success story!

THE POTTY
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT’S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: “BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE..

BILLY SAYS: “I’M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN’T GONE ‘DOODY’ YET.”

MOTHER SAYS: “OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.  BUT BILLY,  WHY  ARE  YOU  HITTING  YOURSELF  ON  THE  HEAD?”

BILLY SAYS: “WORKS FOR KETCHUP.”

How funny is it that I had this email forward waiting for me in my inbox when I returned from the doctor this morning?

MY NEW DOCTOR

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat?  Hay and corn.  What are these?  Vegetables.  So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine.  That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way.  Beer also made out of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one.  If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain…GOOD!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! … Foods fried in vegetable oil..  How getting more vegetables bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?  HELLO .. Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION…..
Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

I received another touching email forward, and I have to admit that I snopes-ed it because it sounded so fake.  It’s the story of Freedom the eagle and her friend Jeff – here is their story:

Freedom and I have been together 10 years this summer.
She came in as a baby in 1998 with two broken
wings. Her left wing doesn’t open all the way
even after surgery, it was broken in 4
places.   She’s my
baby.
When Freedom came in she could not stand
and both wings were broken. She was
emaciated and covered in lice. We made the
decision to give her a chance at life, so I took
her to the vets office.   From then
on, I was always around her. We had her in a
huge dog carrier with the top off,  and it
was loaded up with shredded newspaper for her to
lay in.  I used to sit and talk to her,
urging her to live, to fight; and she would lay
there looking at me with those big brown eyes.
We also had to tube feed her for
weeks.
This went on for 4-6 weeks, and by then she still
couldn’t stand. It got to the point where the
decision was made to euthanize her if she
couldn’t stand in a week. You know you don’t
want to cross that line between torture and
rehab, and it looked like death was
winning.   She was going to be put
down that Friday, and I was supposed to come in
on that Thursday afternoon. I didn’t want to go
to the center that Thursday, because I couldn’t
bear the thought of her being euthanized;
but I went anyway, and when I walked in everyone
was grinning from ear to ear.  I went
immediately back to her cage; and there she was,
standing on her own, a big beautiful
eagle.  She was ready to live.  I was
just about in tears by then.   That
was a very good day.
We knew she could never fly,  so the director
asked me to glove train her. I got her used to
the glove, and then to jesses,  and we
started doing education programs for schools in
western  Washington.   We wound up in the newspapers,
radio (believe it or not) and some
TV.   Miracle Pets even did a show
about us.

In the spring of 2000,  I was diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.  I had stage 3,
which is not good (one major organ plus
everywhere), so I wound up doing 8 months of
chemo.   Lost the hair – the whole
bit.   I missed a lot of work. When I
felt good enough,   I would go to Sarvey
and take Freedom out for walks. Freedom would
also come to me in my dreams and help me fight
the cancer. This happened time and time
again.
Fast forward to November 2000, the day after
Thanksgiving.   I went in for my last
checkup. I was told that if the cancer was not
all gone after 8 rounds of chemo, then my last
option was a stem cell transplant. Anyway, they
did the tests; and I had to come back Monday for
the results.  I went in Monday, and I was
told that all the cancer was
gone.
So the first thing I did was get up to Sarvey and
take the big girl out for a walk. It was misty
and cold. I went to her flight and jessed her
up, and we went out front to the top of the
hill.   I hadn’t said a word to
Freedom, but somehow she knew. She looked at me
and wrapped both her wings around me to where I
could feel them pressing in on my back
(I was engulfed in eagle wings), and she
touched my nose with her beak and stared into my
eyes, and we just stood there like
that for I don’t know how long.  That was a
magic moment.  We have been soul mates ever
since she came in.  This is a very special
bird.
On a side note:   I have had people who
were sick come up to us when we are out, and
Freedom has some kind of hold on
them.   I once had a guy who was
terminal come up to us and I let him hold
her.  His knees just about buckled and he
swore he could feel her power coarse through his
body. I have so many stories like
that.
I never forget the honor I have of being so close
to such a magnificent spirit as
Freedom.
Hope
you  enjoy this.
Jeff

Awww, that eagle sounds so sweet!  So how did we get stuck with this big red jerk?

A while back, a tangenteer (tangents.org blogger) wrote ab0ut a type of obstacle course based upon cause and effect relationships between different objects.  You know, like the board game Mousetrap – a ball rolls and falls into a bucket, which triggers another ball that goes down a ramp, etc.  I forgot what this is called (and who blogged it!  Was it me or derek?), but I think it’s a Japanese word.  Anyway, I came across this website for a Dutch department store called Hema, and they have an animated one of those obstacle course thingys using their products on their website.  Just follow the link above and watch to see what happens!  It’s pretty creative, and I thought people might like it!

I received a few more of the email forwards with  pictures of cute animals, so I thought I’d combine them into one post.  So here are some cute animals – enough said.

That little parakeet is preening his smiling kitten buddy – something birds only do to the ones they love!  And these pandas were displaced when an earthquake shook their forest home, but they’re getting good care now.  What I wouldn’t give to sit right in the middle of that pen!

And, for the finale, check out this cat who loves boxing!

Well, we found a church home in March, and it’s been going very well; we love it there.  The month of August is filled with church opportunities for us – a few classes we’re taking, a carnival for the kids, I’m volunteering in the Welcome Center, and we just went to a retreat at a beautiful Christian campground in Michigan yesterday.  But this post is not about THAT type of faith – it’s about a dog named Faith who was born with only a stub instead of front legs.  They had to remove his stub, and his mommy and first owner rejected him.  His new owner named him Faith and taught him to walk and get along without his front legs just fine.  How cute is this?

Thanks to Elizabeth for sending this to me!

Here is a commercial I had not seen until a friend sent it to me in an email forward.  As I was sitting here chuckling over it, my two oldest daughters became curious and came over for a look.  They loved what they saw, and I had to play it 3 more times!  I don’t think it’s in regular circulation yet, but if it is, I haven’t seen it.  Of course, I never watch tv anymore!  Perhaps it’s waiting to be unveiled until the next round of infamous Superbowl commercials?  Enjoy!

With amusement and much scrutiny, I peruse most of the many email forwards I receive…  Occasionally, one will catch my eye.  Such is the case for the forward containing the following picture entitled: “Sauder Woodworking Company Takes Over GM”

I found it extremely amusing, but I began to think of the entertainment value of the aforementioned email forward.  Is this also amusing to  people who aren’t affected by the close proximity of the Sauder factories?  Do people who live far  outside of Archbold, Ohio get the joke?

Well, anyway, if you live where you get it, then HaHa –  we share a  joke.  It IS funny – Sauder is a huge employer in the area and  many locals have jobs assembling Sauder’s ‘assemble yourself’ kits of furnitiure.  The fact that someone crafted an email to tie it into the horrible economy and the down-sizing of GM is priceless…   but there I go again, overexplaining the joke.  If you get it, then you get it…  (and are probably located within 60 miles of Lake Erie), but if you have no idea what I’m talking about –  power to you to recognize regionally sensitive email forwards…  What are some of the regional forwards that have been haunting YOU?

I recently recieved a video  via an email forward that I really enjoyed – that’s somewhat rare because I get tons of email forwards and many of them are senseless garbage.  But the few I’ve gotten that I’ve enjoyed have made all the other ones almost worth it.  The following video definitely falls into that category: